I’m a card carrying member to the church of Oprah. I TIVO her show everyday and it is the last thing I watch before I go to bed (in the art room while painting of course!). She makes me feel like I can conquer the world. Not because of her topics and her guests but because of *her*. She kicked off her Spring season of shows yesterday and she looks so fabulous. She has lost even more weight! I always look to her as a role model because she is my height and build. I see her and think “Hey, I can look like that too!”.
I really need that kind of internal mental power right now because my weight loss journey is lost in the boonies these days. Everyday I wake up with a fresh “my body is a clean vessel right now, don’t mess it up with Twinkies for breakfast” attitude. It goes good until I get home from work and dive into all the bad stuff. I started exericsing again this week and worked hard at fending off all the ugly, gross and delicious foods that come my way. I did great today – eggs, chicken salad, lots of water. Good girl!
After work I went to take an order to a boutique. I was craving an iced Triple Iced Breve – perfectly acceptable on Atkins – so I sauntered into the coffee bar, LUX, next door. There lining the counter top was tall, elegant glass cake dishes piled high with rolls, brownies, muffins, and my favorite: macaroons. Not just your ordinary Archway macaroons, but the ultra gourmet kind. These had a layer of dark chocolate on the bottom and were crispy golden brown on top. I knew they were chewy in the center, just like any decent macaroon should be.
As I was waiting patiently for barista girl to finish my liquid crack, I thought of how I couldn’t eat any of this sugary stuff even if I wanted. I’m in dire need of some bonding time with the dentist real bad. On the left side of my mouth I have so many cavities so I can’t eat sweets because it hurts in four areas at the same time. On my right side I can’t chew anything crunchy because my fillings are crumbling because I’ve had them since I was in 6th grade (really!). I’m living like this because I’m too chicken to go to the dentist. The last time I went, he asked me where it hurt. I pointed to the EXACT spot, in which he confirmed by picking up his skinny compressed air tool and blowing in the very spot I showed him. Laying upside down in his chair in a dress, I jumped high enough in the air to be thankful that I was wearing good chonies. Did he think I was lying? He told me he wouldn’t fix the tooth until I came back to fix all my other cavities. I would have, except I thought of my sister who still can’t eat anything cold after a visit with him two years ago.
Basically? No chocolatey macaroons for moi. I got my drink, jumped in the 4Runner and headed home. Somewhere between a yellow light and the last track of my favorite Gondwana CD, a sweet, soothing spirit swept through my body. It made me feel as high as a kite. If I had to describe this tingly sensation as a food it would be, hmmmm, let’s see…
A chocolate-trimmed macaroon!
YES! I ended up buying one and was now savoring the first chewy, delectable bite. “Diet schmiet’, I said in a mumble as this gooey confection rolled about the right side of my mouth. Right then a twang of pain went through one of my teeth, followed by a long, dull, lingering ache.
“Hey! This is my good sweet side!” I thought. “How can this be?”
Apparently I have been eating so many sweets on the right side of my boca grande that I triggered a whole new neighborhood of cavities.
Did I toss the remainder of the macaroon out the window? Heck no! I shamelessly downed the rest of it by mushing it between the middle of my tounge and the roof of my mouth. Like a toothless 90-year-old lady eating mashed potatoes at the banquet hall.
What the heck is wrong with me? Why can’t I conquer this food thing? I’ve made so many milestones in my life – I juggled school, working full time, writing two books (all in the same year even!). I’ve survived three near death experiences (cue violins here please), but when it comes to passing up any kind of solid or creamy mass of refined sugar, I succumb like a foxy feline on catnip.
I was still on the road when I was beating myself up inside. I reminded myself of Oprah and how she *did it*. She doesn’t have to wear elastic-waist skirts or pants. I thought of how great she looked on TV yesterday. I thought of how I backed out on the gastric bypass because people who read my prvious entries about it sent me letters sharing their scary stories. Oprah is my height, I can look like that too! I know I can! But when? How?
It’s then that I had a mini-revelation of my new mantra:
What Would Oprah Do?
She is so perfect I bet she is faced with macaroons every day of her life but passes them up so her fans will say “She looks great!” and so she will feel proud inside. So from now on, every time I go to cheat, I’m going to think “WWOD?”
I unloaded all my latest emotional diet drama to Theresa (my sister) today and she had only one piece of advice:
“Go to the dentist.”
Smarty pants! I did find a dentist, and his name is Dr. Lamb. I think that is a good sign. I think Oprah would approve of a dentist named after such a gentle creature. I also think she would tell me I’m making a mountain out of a macaroon and that right about now I should call it a night.
P.S. I’m sorry for all these silly eating entries. I know they must get boring and old after a while!
* All content/photos copyright, © Kathy Cano-Murillo, 2008.