I don’t mean paybacks like when someone hands you a twenty and says, “Thanks for the loan!”
I’m talking paybacks, as in revenge! I had a soggy dose of it today.
It all started because of five little pounds.
I’ve recently cut out sugar from my diet (except for the occasional Saturday night Pizookie). After about seven days, I figured I had dropped at least five pounds, easy. Every morning I happily stepped on the scale – but nothing, not even an ounce! To help the universe moves things in my favor, and to make me feel better for my efforts, I turned the dial on the scale back five pounds.
Last week me, Patrick and Maya (DeAngelo was at his friend’s) were all hanging out in our bedroom. Patrick walked out of the bathroom and began to strut around with his chest puffed out.
“Notice anything different about me?” he asks, rubbing his hands all over his sucked-in beer belly.
The kids and I looked at each other and shrugged.
“I’ve lost weight!”, Patrick said all proud and gloating.
Maya hopped off the bed. “Hey, me too! I lost five pounds this week. I’ve really been pushing myself in P.E., and it is finally paying off.”
Patrick, still sucking in his stomach, props one arm up on the dresser, clears his throat, and begins to lecture us on his newfound successful eating plan.
“I’ve only been eating half my meals this week, that really makes a difference…”
I watched as Maya stood in front of the mirror, posing like Miss U.S.A. “Wow, I think I can even see my ribs.”
Of course, I wanted to crawl under the bed because I knew how they lost their weight. I had no idea what to do. Play along and help their self esteem, or confess my sin?
I couldn’t handle the guilt any longer and confessed.
“Oh, I forgot to tell you, um…I moved the dial back five pounds last week. But regardless, both of you definitely look slimmer!”
Simultaneously they shouted “WHAT?”
“Aw, you’re kidding…you are kidding right? I really didn’t lose weight?” Patrick asked with a twang of hurt in his voice.
“I’m soooo sorry, I can explain,” I said, trying hard to hold back the laughs.
Maya, fuming, ran in to check the scale, and busted back in the room. “SHE DID! She fixed the scale! It was all a sham! Mom, how could you? That is so mean! And you’re laughing! I’m a teenage girl, this kind of stuff will scar me for life!”
I apologized over and over, and tried to stop laughing long enough to explain, but they weren’t having any of it. My eyes began to tear up, I was giggling uncontrollably. That did not help the situation. Ooooh, they ganged up on me, they were furious. Especially after Maya corrected the scale and they re-weighed to find they hadn’t lost anything.
“Mom, you don’t set the scale back if you want to lose weight – you exercise!” Maya hollered. I think Patrick was more hurt about his pride – bragging about his diet plan and all.
They gave me a hard time about it all week, and finally they let up. No mention of it for the past few days.
Now let’s talk about today. Picture this:
Patrick and I are driving home from lunch. We slowly cruise through the neighborhood, and I’m in the passenger’s seat daydreaming about Cinco de Mayo crafts, Twittering, and tonight’s exciting American Idol results show.
“Lower your window,” Patrick says to me. He is my beloved soul mate and husband of 18 years. If he makes a suggestion, my first thought is that it is for the enrichment of my life. I don’t even give it a second thought.
La-la-la…I push the little button to lower my window. I’m thinking it is something breathtaking…oh – it was.
The window goes down, I turn, smile longingly, and stick my head out to see what’s up – only to see a high-powered sprinkler shooting water onto the street!!
I didn’t even have time to gasp. The water sprayed me full-on in the face right as we passed by it!
“Oh my God! I can’t believe you just set me up!” I snapped, 100% in disbelief as I patted my face with the inside collar of my shirt. “Is it payback for the scale thing?”
Patrick cracked up so hard, he smacked the steering wheel, and practically doubled over in joyful pain.
When he finally kinda caught his breath, he said in between pants, “I don’t know why I did that… It just came out of nowhere, I swear it wasn’t planned! It sure felt good though!”
So we are now even!
After all the Lucy episodes I put him through, I guess I deserved one right back. Man, this was a good one.
P.S.: We told Maya the story after school today, and she gave Patrick a high five!
P.S.S.: Right before Patrick gave me his goodnight kiss, he said, “I’m sorry I told you to lower your window…” Awwww!!Love & light,