Don’t let judgy people get you down!

Today I’m going to take you inside my brain and heart. I am very grateful for all my blessings, family, career, and friends. But like everyone, I am loaded with insecurities.

Little worries that mess with your head about who you are and what you are doing. Many times we hide our insecurities, or send them into We should say them out loud because whether we like it or not, they have a role in our thought process, decision making, writing, art, friendships all our interactions. If we can identify them and even cry a few tears to let them out we can move on to bigger and better things.

This is totally silly, lord knows I have bigger issues to deal with, but here goes. OK. I am all about wanting to inspire others. I give away the milk for free, it makes me happy to do so. I’ve been through many ups and downs in my goal of living an artful life, that I feel my mission is to share that. I’m not an A+ artist or writer, but I love both, have a strong spirit and don’t let my lack of talent stop me from enjoying new paints, papers, my computer keyboard. It is freeing! It feels so good I want to encourage other people to let go of their fear and give it a try. I’ve met scores of amazing women from all cultures and social backgrounds and have built lasting friendships of sisterhood.

This summer I came across a local artist’s blog and I loved it. The voice and story reminded me so much of me when I started doing all of this. I was so excited, and felt a connection. I commented cheers on the blog, signed up for all their social networks, told my friends, looked forward to getting to know them, etc. We had so much in common! Come to find out, while this person is friends with all my friends, they want nothing to do with me. My mind has raced with reasons. Maybe I’m not artful enough, or maybe I’m too crafty. Maybe because I’m scatterbrained. Maybe they don’t like the product line or my books. Maybe they don’t like my blog. Maybe my projects aren’t good enough. I could go on forever. Regardless, this person did not think I was worthy enough to be accepted in their elite art circle.

After making a fool of myself to be accepted by this person and having them reluctantly respond, I STILL tried to win them over. Finally, I realized I had to let it go. Why was it so important to me? Truth is, no matter how good your intention, we can never please everyone. So I did it, I let go. I sent out a positive message to the universe to this person and I moved on. I feel a lot better. I feel like I want to create again without worrying if it is good enough.

Years ago, I had an art customer write me to tell me she was unhappy with her love shrine kit (pre-product line, I used to make and sell my own kits). It was a cool kit, I hand picked all these pretty papers and accessories. I wanted her to be happy. So I issued a refund AND sent her a new love shrine kit with double the amount of free goodies to help her bring love into her life. Now she had two love shrine kits!

She sent it all back to me with a note that said something like:

la mΓ‘s grande la pared la mΓ‘s delgada la pintura (the bigger the wall the thinner the paint)

Ugh. She still didn’t take my happy! WHA?? In the end, I felt like she did it just to bring me down. It occurred to me that she needed more than an art kit to bring love into her life – and number two, she had a point with that quote. I was overextending myself trying to please everyone under the sun. That is impossible. We have to do what we love because we love it and not because we want to impress people or win respect. If you do what you love, it will show and the rest will happen naturally.

CRAFTY CHICA LESSON LEARNED: This relates to your crafts, your business, family, work, school: The more your put yourself out there and the more you succeed, the more critics you will have. Be ready for it, get thick skin, and do not let it stop you from doing what you love. Believe in yourself. Be faithful to those who support you, give thanks.

And in spite of those critics and judges, don’t do the same as them. Open your heart and mind. Have compassion for the one who finally put their foot on the first ladder step, as well as the one climbing steadily in the middle, and the one teetering to hang on to the top. The one who is opposite of you – as well as the one who is your mirror image. And if you have someone bringing you down, do your best to move past it so you can focus on the positive aspects of your life. Give more brain space to that! And to the judgies: When someone reaches out to you because they like what you do, be thankful, not picky!

Everyone deserves support in one way or another. If we all help each other out, EVERYONE will have a turn in the spotlight and have a chance to shine!

And we all know the more shine, the better, right?

Do you have a story about someone who made you feel inadequate? How did you deal with it?

Here is a video from Jill Scott that I love. It’s about not letting judgy people get you down.

Love & light,

39 Responses

  1. Miss Kathy
    I found your blog and your art just recently and found that you so often speak my heart and this post just nailed it for me. This is my daily struggle, don’t know why, has been been since I was a kid. It is so encluraging to hear you speak it and name it. I so admire everything you have done and continue to do. Your sense of sharing overwhelms me and I am grateful that yo are there. You validate me. Proof that you can be a nice person and be successful!
    Thank you!

  2. i totally needed this post today, cathy. thanks for sharing it! and WOW, i forgot how much i love jill scott. thanks for that reminder, too. πŸ˜‰ craft on, chica.

  3. I have heard it said that “our message of healing is the greatest gift we can give the world.”
    Your honesty, vulnerability, big heart, creative joy, talent and power are more a gift to the world than you can possibly realize. It takes real strength and power to share your fears and insecurities. It also transforms and blesses the lives of others…like me, Thank you for sharing and helping the world to heal!

  4. Kathy, I very much can relate to your post.

    I too have been hurt by the rejection from some of the leaders in my field. I can have thousands of readers and followers that give me positive feedback everyday but one guru snubs me and I’m hurt!

    My husband and business partner says its because they feel threatened. So maybe we both should be happy when people don’t want to be our friends? It’s probably just that they’re worried we will become more successful than them.

    Anyway… I love and appreciate what you’re doing out there. You’re making a big difference in the crafting world! Your positive, humble and go gettem’ attitude is an inspiration to me and thousands of others!

    Who cares about the naysayers! We don’t want to be their friends any way. They’re no fun and they’re negative. Who really needs that kind of friend?!

  5. Lady – you totally hit the nail on the head! I recently read a quote that really spoke to me about this issue:

    “Patterning your life around others’ opinions is nothing more than slavery.” -Lawana Blackwell

    As creative people, we don’t expect that others conform to our wills, why should we expect ourselves to conform to the will of others?

    Bless you and thank you for all your awesome creativity!

  6. I’ve found that it comes from fear, some people are afraid of others succeeding and being happy. They don’t want to add one more plus sign to your score sheet. That’s OK, everyone has their opinion. It feels good to free yourself from worrying about them. Add up all the good things, they far outweigh the bad and it is a crime to focus on the bad. But we are human and we can’t help it, especially when we are trying to do good, but we can try πŸ™‚

    Thanks for reading and for the great feedback, sending you all good vibes!!!

    Love,kathy πŸ™‚

  7. Hey Kathy – I am new to your blog and products and I find them exciting, artistic, and inspiring! So I just wanted you to know you are doing a fantastic job inspiring others to have the guts to create and live an artful life. I am constantly amazed at your fabulous creations and love your blogs! Thanks for sharing your wisdom and inspiring words! You go girl!

  8. Kathy,

    Thanks for the post. Great thoughts. I often remind myself that everyone is doing the best they can with the tools they have and that everyone is in a different part of their journey. Keeps me balanced when unbalanced people careen into my space. I love what you have to say about the subject. Thanks for putting so much “you” into what you do. Inspiring stuff.

  9. I just had to chime in because when you have a blog, books or a product line you are constantly putting yourself out there. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that for the one naysyer there are probably countless others that you have touched with your ideas, writing and passion. It can be difficult to see this sometimes but they’re there! πŸ™‚

  10. I met you at the CHA this summer in Orlando. I was so excited you were there and so afraid of being a crazy stalker person. I couldn’t get up the nerve on the first day. Then on the second, I went for it and met your husband and son at the Mantastic booth, your daughter at the Duncan booth, and finally you! You signed the book I brought, you even posed for a photo with me- my camera and yours! I so wanted to talk more. And I was so afraid I was being weird, etc. Essentially, I psyched myself out of an opportunity to learn more from you and your amazing family. I ruined my own happy!

    Reading this very real post from you makes me regret not getting over myself even more. Alas, my camera with the photos of us together was stolen right after the show. So, I have no media record of our meeting. But I will always be happy I did have the nerve to at least meet you briefly.

    Sid Simpson

  11. I don’t know how you do it, but you always manage to post the perfect blogpost just when I need it. I’m sorry someone made you feel that way. You deserve to be honored & welcomed as the glittery Queen that you are.
    I for one am constantly inspired by what you do. I know alot of people are in agreement with me about this.
    Shine on girl, shine on.

  12. Ditto to what everyone said! Yes, Kathy, why can so many lift us up and yet we are focused on the one person who puts us down? But thanks for posting this because I always think in my own crazy head that I am the only one that thinks this way. Your honesty frees me as well as inspires me. And there are a million billion trillion of us who will always cheer you on!
    Love Always!

  13. Thanks Kathy,

    I was feeling a little intimidated this weekend with sales and producing artwork.I understand what you are saying and I feel better now that you have said that because we all feel that way at one time or another. Yeah, we cant please everybody, and it is hard to let go of that. You are awesome and I read your blog everyday because it inspires me to continue to be creative and positive about my craft.

  14. yah, i think i know to whom you speak of, or at least the stuffy clique they belong to. they are just jealous of you for going so far without using the pedigree channels that everyone else has. sometimes our chicano community is not as united as it should be. but don’t let a few sour apples on the tree keep you from your glory. you are the shit, girl! you are unique and you bring light everywhere you go and we love you!

  15. That was a great post. I did cut someone loose recently who was really bringing me down. However, I did it very poorly and I regret having been mean to her just because she had hurt my feelings so many times. I did apologize when I realized I could have let her go with much better grace. Still, it is a lesson for me too.

    What I love about all your crafty work and books is that you aren’t pretentious and your projects are so incredibly charming! I love your down to earth attitudes about creating and I feel like you are very inclusive. That’s such a wonderful way to be.

    To be honest, I am surprised to hear that anyone would shun you from their group of friends. It’s truly their loss.

  16. Kathy…….i love how you allow yourself to be vulnerable….in doing so you touch so many others. I too have experienced what you have written about. Of course it says more about the person judging than yourself. It’s tough to let go and cut someone lose like this especially when you were so excited to begin a friendship.

    You are such an inspiration to me and to so many others!

    You Rock!

    Love, Violette xo

  17. Oh, Kathy I sooo understand what you were feeling. I too want to be friends with people and extend a helping, happy hand. But I have learned that some hearts are not ready to receive love. But I want you to know that I think it would be wonderful to be your friend, some people just don’t know what they’re missing. keep up the good work and all that you do. kate

  18. Hi Kathy,

    I read your blog every day.. You and your artwork are so inspiring! Love it!

    I especially wanted to thank you for this post. It certainly rings true for me. I’ve had so many critics throughout my life, from my artwork, to myself in general… I’ve only recently started to just say, “I’m going to do what I love, and hopefully someone out there will love it too!” So far, its paid off, and I’ve had alot more confidence in myself as a person and as an artist πŸ™‚

    Thanks again, Kathy…
    Craft on! πŸ™‚

    happy day studio

  19. I saved this entry to read when I had a moment and couldn’t have picked a better day to read it. I know this! I try to live it and not take other people so seriously but sometimes it’s hard. We all want to be liked. Women are raised to be people pleasers. It’s hard to get past. But, it’s a great big world and to be the best that we can be, we must. Thanks for the reminder and thanks for being so vulnerable to share something this personal.

    Loved the song too!

  20. This is a nice post that you have here. The lesson in this post can be utilized in many aspects of life, especially for artists who are trying to find that work-life balance and want moral support from their friends and family.

    I would like to answer the two questions asked at the end of your blog posting.

    Do I have a story about someone who made me feel inadequate? Yes. That person was you, ironically.

    How did I deal with it? I ignored it and decided that we were not meant to communicate with each other.

    A few months ago, I sent an email to you asking about your experience in retail and some suggestions or advice and you never responded. My impression was that you believe that you were either too good to respond to emails or did not want to bother with artists who did not have as much experience or skills as you have acquired over the years.

    Either way, it isn’t a big deal now but I found this post on your blog after reading a recent article about you and thought that this was very ironic.

    Take Care

  21. hi nicole! thank you for commenting honestly, i really appreciate it!

    i am so sorry i missed your email, i do my best to answer all my emails. i have trouble with my spam filter so i even go in and try to see if i’ve ever missed any. please send me your questions again to and i’ll be more than happy to answer, or even chat by phone if you’d like! send me an email and we can connect.

    i feel really bad, i put so much work into all of this, trying to motivate and inspire – the very last thing in the whole world i’d ever want to do is make someone feel inadequate!

    i’m one person and i wear all the hats, plus a full-time job, being a mom, a lot of things slip through the cracks. i’m far from perfect πŸ™

    i will admit that sometimes it takes me a month or so to reply, but i make sure to answer everyone…

    please open your heart to give me another chance, i’d love to answer any questions you may have!

    peace and love and ART!!


    kathy πŸ™‚

  22. this is in regards to nicole – kathy, you are too polite for your own good! nicole, you seriously assumed the worst of kathy because she didn’t answer your email? you basically wanted her to take time out of her life, her business and her kids to give you a free consultation for your business? i have followed crafty chica for many many years and like everyone else i wonder how kathy has time to do all that she does. she basically gives away FREE advice and designs here. if you would take the time to look through the label tags you can probably find your answers. with the kind of chip on your shoulder attitude you have presented here, well i do not see your business going very far.

  23. Kathy,

    Thank you so much for this post. It made me feel so much better today. I’ve been dealing with much the same issue– only it’s friends I thought I had. Double bummer. Your words made me think about whose problem it really is– theirs. No need for me to push and push and push when they just want to push me down. And the video sealed the deal. πŸ˜€

  24. I am late getting to this posting but am glad I found it. It can be difficult to let your spirit soar when others try to weigh you down but isn’t it great when you do? We just can not live by the opinion of others. What would be the point? I like the comment about that being slavery. Let’s roll!

  25. I completely needed to read this today. I saw you on Twitter, and just felt this desire to pop over.

    I’m about to do some creative things that are a bit scary and I worry about what others will say. Then I laugh about worrying. Then I go back to worrying. None of those mental games are doing me any good.

    We all have something to share in this world. Something to leave behind. Something beautiful.

    Orale pues!!

  26. Ohmyword, I could’ve written this!!

    I thought we could be great friends. I thought we had so much in common. I tried my hardest to created a friendship. And she wanted nothing to do with me. She got meaner by the day, in fact! And now I look at her blog and just shake my head at all the people who gush over her.

    And I’m soooo much happier without that friendship, than I would’ve been with it.

  27. I’ve learned that sometimes it’s not so much that people are being mean, it could be that they are just focused on other things and we take it personally. i know i take way too many things personal. and on the other side, i just came across a heartfelt letter that someone wrote to me and gave to me a YEAR ago. it got lost in my stacks of papers from a trade show. i can only imagine what that person must think of me because i never wrote back!

    if we can all give each other the benefit of the doubt and keep doing our best to set a good example, things will (hopefully) go steady. we just have to be ourselves and know that we can’t please everyone no matter how hard we try!

    thank you so much for all the responses and comments. we are all more alike than not!

    blessings for the holiday!!

  28. I came across your site and this post caught my attention. Thanks for the words of encouragement. It’s all so true. Keep being you and doing what makes you happy. Dios te bendiga!

  29. Kathy, thank you for sharing this very personal yet common problem we all face at some point. You are generous beyond words and it comes from a truly genuine place-it’s who you are.

    When I first wrote you this past year, with the intention of paying you for some consultation with my website, I was fearful of rejection, even knowing how incredibly busy you are…silly me, my sensitivity was limiting me and it took me a while to finally get my nerve up to contact you. It would have been easy and understandable if you had said you were too busy to help, but you found the time and I so appreciate your advice.

    Beyond what I learned about my website, more importantly I learned that you were sweet, approachable, kind, generous and thoughtful and now I’m glad to call you friend.

    With visibility and fame comes exposure to those who are possibly jealous, intimidated, fearful or just plain mean spirited. LIke you, I’ve sent love out to those people too, knowing in my heart that that’s what they really needed. Then I forgave them and moved on. I know you’ve done the same.

    Blessings to you, friend. You set an example for the rest of us to follow with your positive attitude, your ambition, your kind spirit and your talent!
    Brenda Pinnick

  30. Thank you for writing this. It is so true, and I have experienced this so many times myself. It always stings a little because I just wish everyone could be nice and be friends like some kindergarten utopia, but of course, in the real world, we have to deal with snobs and people with issues that effect the way they treat people . I find you so inspiring and I bookmarked this page to come back and read when I feel down.

  31. Thank you for posting this! Granted, I’m finding it six months later, but I really needed to read it right now. Sometimes, I would swear that no one every truly gets out of high school…

    You, however, are amazing. And I love the thirty days of glitter. You can NEVER have enough glitter!!!! πŸ™‚

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Kathy Cano-Murillo

Let’s connect!

Hi, I’m Kathy, The Crafty Chica! My specialty is creative motivation.Β I’m an artist, author, and speaker and this is where I share my craft tutorials, artwork, articles, books, product lines, and workshops!

Let’s work together!Β Check out my services page HERE.

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