Home » On being alone.

On being alone.


Last month I wanted to go see the Candye Kane holiday concert at the Rhythm Room here in Phoenix.  I started asking for someone to go with me as early as two weeks ahead. I could kind of tell by the non-committal responses that the day would come and I wouldn’t have a concert partner. Everyone had their own plans, no biggie. This has happened before and I remember feeling bummed for missing out on a show I really wanted to see. I also wanted to see a movie that no one wanted to see. The two strike outs left me feeling kinda like a victim.

Forget that!

The last thing I wanted to do was beg, or make people feel guilty. So – I told my family I was going to both events that night by myself. At first they kind of laughed, not sure if I was serious. But after I left and was driving to the movie theatre, my daughter, Maya, called. “You’re really going?” she said. “Aw, mom, I’m sorry. I promise we’ll do something tomorrow!”

I went to see The Fighter (awesome flick!) and then I went to see Candye Kane in concert. I was nervous at first, a little scared maybe. Driving across town late at night to go to a nightclub by myself…But then I remembered how when I was a single chica in my early ’20s, nothing could stop me from going to concerts or movies. I went many places alone and enjoyed every second. There were also my newspaper reporter days when I had to cover entertainments events, often times alone. I wondered what happened to me since 2007 that made me feel insecure about going solo?

I paid the cover charge, got my hand stamped and wormed my way up to the front row of the dance floor and…danced. Alone. It was such a freeing feeling. Yah, I missed Patrick during the lover’s songs, and I almost got kicked in the head by some spunky swing dancers, but it was worth it.

During the break I waited in line to meet Candye Kane and gave her a scarf I made for her, as well as an advanced copy of my new novel (there is a concert scene and she is the performer).

Here is the unexpected, funny thing – the next day, my family would not leave my side. Patrick was all romantic and invited me out on a dancing date, and my sister and Maya invited me out shopping and to see Burlesque. (I loved the dance and song numbers, but the plot sure needed bedazzling!)

It turned out to be one of the BEST weekends I ever had. All because I had the courage to venture out on a solo adventure. I had some alone time this weekend and cranked out a bunch of sketches, it felt good not to have any interruptions – well except for a nasty toothache that would not go away!

This morning I came across this video that Maya had posted on her Facebook. It made me so happy because it expresses exactly how I felt that night I went out alone. I hope you enjoy it and feel inspired!

I’m dedicating it to anyone who is going through “alone-time” at the start of this year, for whatever reason. Make it your own adventure, use that extra space and energy to soak up your surroundings!

Here are some ideas of things to do when you find yourself alone – seriously try these, have some fun!

– Crank up some music that you cannot resist dancing to, and go for it. Right in the middle of your living room.

– Have a make-up session and go for the outlandish. Apply that face as if you were Lady Gaga about to go on stage for a New Year’s Eve disco concert. Or maybe a supermodel about to hit the catwalk.

– Now that your face is made up, snap some dreamy self-portraits.

– Reconstruct some of your clothing. Take two gym tees, chop them in half and sew them together with the mismatched pieces.

– Pull out your colored markers and have a serious doodle session.

– Take a boring lampshade and paint it or glue stuff on it!

– If all else fails – READ A BOOK!!


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7 thoughts on “On being alone.”

  1. Good for you, K! I have always enjoyed doing things alone. Sure, there are times when it is more fun to share an event with others, but there are also times when it is an incredibly awesome experience to be fully present at, and/or completely enveloped by, the event without having to worry about whoever you went with.

  2. Thanks for posting this blog post. My husband/soulmate passed away in February & it is easy to feel lonely sometimes since we never had children. I often think of myself still as his wife & hold myself from other people/experiences. Now I have to forge a new identity for myself. Take care of yourself & please make sure everyone in your family has good health insurance.

  3. Mahalo for an inspiring&empowering post. Widowed 5yrs & emptynester, it’d be EZ to host pityparties 24/7but there R photos to find&scrap, crafts to finish&gift, & books to read (& maybe alter). Yikes! from a librarian, no less. Happy You Year!

  4. Really good post. I missed Disney on Ice this weekend because no one wanted to go. I am married, but no kids, and I think my nieces have outgrown this stuff. I think I need to follow your advice a little more, and stop letting life pass me by. Thank you.

  5. Thank you so much for posting this. I’m experiencing alone time in my life right now and I’m trying to embrace it, but somedays it’s very hard. I now have your post and this video that I can look at when I need lifting up. Kathy, you’re truly a kindred spirit to me. I’m so happy to know someone like you exists in the same world I live in. Thank you again.


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